In these hopey/changey troubled economic times, it’s useful to take a moment to re-examine your life choices. Ours is no longer a society in which one can expect to enter the workforce at a ripe young age, serve one’s company faithfully for a few decades, collect a gold watch, and retire to an easy chair to bask in the glow of a job well done. To some (like your parents), that’s a damn troubling thought. But to the rest – the lucky commitment-phobes who’ve discovered the undeniable benefits of a workforce in which flexibility is prized above all else – this is a welcome break from the monotony of the single-career lifestyle.

While a sudden opportunity to switch careers might stress your bank account, it allows you the luxury of choosing your next job based on important factors such as how many days you’ll get to “work from home” and, most critically, how much it will improve your social life. I can’t do much for the first, but I'm here for you with the second:

Enjoy this, your guide to the top 3 careers girls dig that you may not have considered the first time around....

3. Magician

Magic: it works for Harry Potter and the sultry David Copperfield, and it could very well work for you. Magic and wizardry may not be considered ‘mainstream’ professions, but with the right training, the perfect wardrobe, you too can disappear ladies from anywhere in the universe and make them re-appear in your house. One need only look as far as the love life of magician Criss Angel (excuse us, illusionist) or the exploits of Gob Bluth to see how much synergy the world of magic and mysticism holds, probably because women enjoy playing with wands/[insert magic euphemism here].

2. Musician

This is something you should be doing right now if you aren’t already. Get a drum set, a banjo, a triangle, or a keytar, get yourself an open mic gig, and get to the important work of meeting girls, because many women in bars have little to no knowledge of the difference between ‘good musician’ and ‘guy who seems somewhat adequately suited to playing whatever he’s playing in a semi-musical manner.’ This especially goes for dueling piano bars, which seem to attract a unique blend of almost-out-of-their-prime cougars and bridesmaids who are about to face the horror of watching yet another one of their friends walk down the aisle before they do. Translation: all of the above, and all you have to do is learn to adequately strum a stringed instrument in a pensive manner. No, Guitar Hero Aerosmith does not count. Damn, that counts me out...

1. Superhero

Super powers are undeniably the best and surest way to meet a lot of women (…or just one extremely good one if you become one of those weird, morally sound, love-struck superheroes whose ultimate downfall is his inability to abandon his love interest. That’s always how the villain gets you. Don’t do it. Don’t be another statistic!!).

If you wake up one day and can suddenly scale walls, hear people’s thoughts or fly, don’t question it, don’t fight it, and especially don’t accept the first offer you get. Now that you’re a superhero, you have unlimited options. And for the sad mortals among us, there’s always Halloween and every third Wednesday of the month at that bar you never admit you go to....but have a pretty big tab at. And everyone knows you as "that guy who sings Mandy ALL the time." *Cough Cough*

There ya go guys, don't say I never helped ya out!

Decoding The Situation!

Reading into situations was always my strong suit. But for many guys, it's not. Most of us don't really think into a situation other than the information that's presented at the time. In my 32 years, however, I have come to realize that girls are a bit different when it comes to trying to decode us. I would imagine the below scenario is spot on. I imagine it goes something like this....

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So you met a guy. A perfect guy! A guy who loves True Life marathons and Frosted Flakes as much as you do. A guy who kissed you on the cheek after walking you home and took your number (instead of drunk-friending you on Facebook). You totally heart him!

After coming in the house and telling your roommates all about how sweet and funny and “OMG he was wearing the best cologne,” you lay there thinking about him. And make a mental note to get a new bikini ASAP, because you will most definitely be going to the beach soon.

You spend the next day clutching your phone, willing it to ring. You take it to Starbucks, the gym and even into the bathroom. You jump every time the phone rings and mentally prepare yourself to turn on the charm, only to realize it’s a friend or, of course, your mom asking you what this new "myspace" thing is. Finally, you receive a text message:

Hungover at Best Buy. Not fun

OMG OMG OMG. You run – no, skip – to your friend and show her the text.

“Aw, he totally hearts you!” She says. You blush, excited that someone else thinks this is a good thing, too.

“What should I say back?!” You spend the next 10 minutes crafting the perfect response: witty and charming without looking like you spent 10 minutes coming up with it.

You should try hungover on a treadmill!

You hit send then sit with your friend as you wait for a response. A few minutes go by. Then another few minutes. You start getting impatient, worried.

“What if he meant to send that to someone else? I know he’s got his phone with him – why isn’t he responding? Do you think he thinks I’m an alcoholic? I shouldn’t have responded so quickly. Oh God, he hates me.”

Your friend reassures you that you are being crazy, that he wouldn’t have texted you if he hated you and that he’s probably just doing something else. But you don’t believe her; she has to say those things. You want chocolate in the worst way.

Finally, the familiar text alert rings from your phone. You flip it open quickly and there’s a message from the guy.

This is bad enough. I wish someone would bring me a Gatorade.

“What do you think that means?!” You ask your friend. “Does he want me to bring him a Gatorade? Should I be cute and bring him a Gatorade? What flavor do you think he likes? I bet he's a lemon guy! If there was a wink or smiley face I’d know he was asking me to bring him one…”

“Yeah, if there was a wink I’d think that would mean he’s asking you. Maybe he’s just making small talk.” Your friend reasons. You IM another friend, give her a brief summary of what’s going on (including what the texts said word for word) and ask her opinion. She agrees that it’s small talk, that you should not go visit him with a variety of Gatorade flavors and that he’s just being chatty with you.

“Yeah. Ok, what should I say back?” You spend another few minutes (longer than you'd usually spend answering a "plenty of fish" personal ad) working on a response. It is the perfect blend of flirty and cute, topped off with a smiley (obviously).

And then you wait for his response once again.
This goes on all day: read, evaluate (”do you think he really LOL'ed?”), contemplate, respond. Rinse, lather, repeat.

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So girls, did this hit it on the head? Do you all read into situations like above!?? If not, PLEASE respond and let the guys know just what DOES go thru your mind at these moments!!! I am sure it would be of great public service for those with communication issues!

:)

"Lack" of a strategy!

President Obama's natioanlized healthcare plan is being dubbed : QAHCAA (Quality, Affordable Health Coverage for All Americans)

Surely, this was not intentional...or, was it? QAHCAA...is pronounced...CACA*

(*...ca·ca f. 1) colloquial (excremento) poop; 2) (defecto) defect, error; 3) (porquería) crap, junk...)

Oslumlord and the liberals all make the same, frequent mistake: they assume that when they act, the rest of the world will remain the same.

But the world is a moving target.

It doesn't matter what the specific issue is. That's a general rule. The most common liberal mistake is that if you tax something, the taxpayers will continue exactly as is. But the moment you tax a revenue stream, the people who profit from that stream will change it. The act of taxing inevitably produces a response; people adjust.

Think of the ratcheting effect of this public option, and how it interacts with small businesses. Take a hypothetical community of 100 small businesses. Let's say that 10 of them are on the margin right now.

* Increasing taxes will drive those 10 out of business, or at least cause layoffs.
* That means that instead of 100 businesses paying the tax for the public option, now only 90 are paying for it, and now they're paying extra (for the employees of the 10 businesses that went broke).

*90 are paying for 10 extra.

* Now let's consider the remaining 90. Some were OK before the change. But now that they're paying more, they're suddenly in trouble. Let's say that 5 more drop out.

*Now, 85 are paying for 15 extra.

As the number of businesses drops, and the cost of the public option increases, it ratchets up the pressure. The Obama Gang assures us that we have no need to worry, because his plan only applies to the top percent. But as time goes along, it constantly increases the pressure, creating a smaller and smaller top percent....and inevitably hits us, the middle class.

Now, if we were talking about a few million dollars in extra taxes spread across the United States, that's not a big deal. But with all the things Obama is trying to do, we're talking several trillion dollars of pressure.

Pressure 5-6 generations of American's will feel when it comes directly from their wallets.

So, just keep this in mind and call your congress representative and let them know you are not backing this piece of shit, sorry, QAHCAA bill...and if they do, they will not have your vote next cycle.